I used to dislike growing root vegetables. They were too hard to get to in order to harvest, I’d complain. I can’t tell if they are ready or not, I’d whine. I just don’t want to get my hands so dirty just to find small yields, I’d say. How times have changed.
I love to dig into the ground now and find the small sweetness, and the large bounty. I love to feel the earth around my hands as I mine for the gold attached to the nondescript plant above.
So is life. I know now that not enjoying growing root veggies is a metaphor for how I lived my life. Dig into my own body to find what information it holds for me?!?! Oh hell no! I’ll take a pill to stop the pain. I’ll lay on an acupuncture table twice a week in the hopes that this alternative method will not make me take my uterus out. I’ll add supplements that will support a healthy body. Anything but truly diving into what lies beneath the soil of my own skin.
Oh don’t get me wrong, exploring more natural methods for dealing with my endometriosis was an extremely helpful and relatively successful journey. Sticking to these alternatives to pharmaceuticals and surgeries kept my body more pure and my mind more clear for when it came time to pluck the source of my ills from my cells.
Several years ago, I did start excavating to find what my body held. I began the dig in an effort to stop the madness that was happening around me. My stress level was off the charts. My businesses were failing. My marriage was failing. We were on the cusp of losing our dream ranch. I had no idea what I might unearth. I just wanted tools to stop the downward spiral.
So began my journey into the emotional body. I attended several EPONA workshops and learned how there are no negative emotions and they are actually our true intelligence. I cannot tell you how much this information supported and validated me. I had been called too emotional throughout much of my adult life. And during our fight against the uranium mine any emotions were deemed wrong and we were coached to keep emotions out of our strategy. (Interesting considering that in the end it was the emotions that kept people engaged.) What I really needed was a proper relationship with my emotions. One in which I could listen to them and learn what my body was attempting to make known. One in which I could embrace the knowledge and wisdom within the emotion and act accordingly.
Getting to know my emotions and learning to not judge them was really an interesting journey, and certainly not one that happened overnight. Our culture makes anger a really bad emotion. How many times have we heard, ‘that person has anger issues.’ And learned to make a judgment call about what kind of person this angry person is. Well, I had anger issues. Deep seated, long held and properly stuffed right into my uterus, anger issues.
Alongside the EPONA workshops I attended private somatic archeology sessions. This is how I found that my uterus was holding all my anger. This is also how I was able to dig up the source of this anger. I had to get dirty. I had to trust that the nugget would be worth it. I had to cry and scream and beat the ground with a stick. I had to learn how to break contracts. I had to learn how to love myself. I had to find the gold of within.
Exhuming the childhood sexual abuse that my body was holding and my mind would not look at nor could see was not an easy process. But I can say that I have found the gold that was buried. I found the sweetness lying dormant underground. I am enjoying the sweetness of life now that I know that seeking to find the root is truly the most rewarding harvest of life.
The root vegetables are there for the intrepid gardener. The soil surrounding the root vegetables is the healthiest of soil. Pulling the weeds out is part of the holistic gardeners regimen.
In essence a true holistic lifestyle is not about just replacing allopathic methods with alternative or natural methods. It’s about being in touch with the WHOLE. The whole story. The whole gift of LIFE. The mind, body, spirit, and EMOTIONAL being. Though, I would put emotions first.
An unhealthy relationship with emotions is where disease truly manifests. I used to hit plateaus in my journey for healing with my endometriosis. I was in so much pain I’d be bedridden for hours and days. The MD’s wanted to remove my uterus. I wanted to keep it if I could. I can humbly, yet proudly proclaim that I have my uterus and have not had a bedridden day because of the pain from it in years. I have found the gold of who I truly am inside. I know what righteous anger is and am proud to say that I have a healthy relationship with anger and know it for the message it carries. I now know what true joy is since I can truly feel my other emotions as well. I have found true PEACE.